Crush?

I'm confused. I think I have a crush! Here are my symptoms

• Smile wheneva he's mentioned in conversation
• Bring him up casually so he can be mentioned in converstaion
• Go to bed thinking about him
• Wake up thinking about him
• Lay in bed staring out the window listening to old mottown love songs (yea I do that DON'T JUDGE ME!)

Sounds like a crush. But the feelings just started ater me and the aforementioned party particpated in the process of copulation in the sanctuary of his tinted back seat. AND NOW, all I can think about is the sex AHHHHH! So do I have a crush on him, or just a crush on the sex???

Girl you so crazy

I'm gonna chronicle my crazy experiences, that way if something eer happens to me then ya'll already got some suspects. The first crazy person I'ma talk about is one of my ex's. For the sake of this blog lets give her a name. She shall be called Debo lmao like from Friday. She's not fat big or scary or anything, but sometimes she gets that crazy look in her eye that makes u unsettled so I've decided that in this blog her name shall be Debo. lol. ANYWHOO, This particular person is freakin crazy. Very emotionally disturbed. I like to blame it on daddy issues. I remember she once blamed me for an argument we were having because I supposedly know that she's crazy. For real tho? So since I know ur crazy that means I should not only expect the things you do, but I should be okay with them. Ummmm nah, it don't work like that. In her defense I blame a lot of her crazy antics on her passion. She's a very passionate individual, and I feel that sometimes she lets her emotions get the better of her. Like last night when she called me at 3 am to ask me about 3 dudes she thinks I'm sleeping with. Now although who I'm sleepin with is none of her damn business, I could see how she was a lil upset because 2 of the guys were her close friends, and one of the guys she is kinda crazy in love with. And although I am not admitting to sleeping with ANYBODY, I guess I kinda sorta know where she's coming from. However since she doesn't have papers or a leash on nobodies genitalia she really can't dictate who anyone sleeps with. And we're all grown here, people have sex, when does it become your business. I believe in girl code and that friends shouldn't sleep with each others friends but fuck it she neva was a gud friend, she was my crazy ex, and at the end of the day friends come and go. I'm looking out for me from now on, and my first task in taking care of myself is to steer clear of the crazies!

Crazy People

Enough with the poems and shit! I'm not a damn poet. It's time to talk about something real, and that something is a reoccurring theme in my life that I can't seem to figure out and it is my relationships with crazy people. I don't know why and how they find me, or what is it about me that attracts them to me but I can't seem to shake em! No matter where I go, or how I'm feeling CRAZY PEOPLE WILL and always do FIND ME. It's not that I don't like crazy people. Everybody has a lil craziness in them. I'm very weird! I'll be the first to admit it. My year book is covered with crazy! "girl you crazy, hey anjel stay crazy! anjel why are u so crazy we gonna get u some help" lol Maybe it's because I say whats on my mind and more often than not that happens to be some wild shit. Whatever they love it. But no I'm talkin bout the type of crazy no one loves. The type of crazy that will have you scared to leave your door unlocked. The type of crazy that makes u wonder if you wanna answer that phone call, reply to that text, or respond to that wall post. I really sit there and look and my phone feelin like I'm making life decisions. All because of the crazy people in my life. I don't know man I feel like I'm in a spoof version of the 6th sense and all I see is crazy people. SMH

Mask

They don't understand the extent of my love

The love of a lil chocolate Anjel only few deserve

 

She understood things beyond her couldn't grasp. But she hid it form them cause she knew they couldn't handle it. Heave were the burdens she endured, dark were the secrets she kept, she edured it alone and without complaint so that no one else would have to.This quiet suffering aged her, so she never got to be a child.

Her way of think was strange, her play patterns unorthodox

A grown ass woman playin in the sandbox

That was my mask. My childhood self was only a façade even as a child. I use to pretend to be daddy's lil girl. Cause I couldn't bare the shame and humiliation on my father's face if he knew the truth. Father my innocence was lost, I was afraid you'd leave to if you knew the truth. A real daddy's girl smiles and is happy, she doesn't know what it feels like to bleed before puberty. She isn't sneaky when she is forced to hide her blood stained panties. A real daddy's girl doesn't do those things. A real daddy's girl doesn't know what sperm taste like.

I just want someone to save me. Take me some place that I can take off my masks cause I've been pretending since I was a child…but it never was fun

 

High Heelz

 

 

I'm not one of them chicks to don high heels everywhere I go

Cause I don't need heels to get me where I'm going

My boots do that just find

Plus they're comfortable

Plus you never know when you may get into a situation where you may need to drop everything and run

Maybe dangerous, but that's how I like to live my life

Running. Wild. Free

I don't want my steps ordered

In some heels I ordered

You look at her in her new pumps and think to yourself

"she's going places"

I look down at my worn shoes and know

I've been.

Guess what I am

So for a while I've been watichin you

But It's time to he heard

for years i've been knowing you

and i havent said a word

I watched ya face change

your height and weight to

but lately something else is different

in tyour eyes theres something new

you use to smile at me

you use to sing and twirl

you used to make funny faces

you were such a silly girl

you use to tell me you were pretty

you told me all your secrest to

but theres a new face looking at me

and it hurts that its not you

when you look at me now

your face is full fo disgust

and you've stopped telling me secrests

have you lost my trust

iv'e never lied to you

i only show you whats there

but you can no longer stand me

the sight of me you can no longer bear

i see you pinch your face

and hold in your tummy

your still making faces

yet there no longer funny

when did you stop loving youtself

why have you let yourself go

and when did you stop loving me

or do you even know

do you hate me now

damn girl I miss your smile

you don't dance you don't sing

you haven't twirled in awhile

why are there bruises on your arm

what are those dark marks under your eye

why do you only glance for a moment and then turn around and cry

I wish i could hug you

kiss and hold you tight

but you've locked me in the closet

and all I mirror is night.

Contradictions ♥

I'm a wild shy girl
A spiritual abomination
I'm confidently insecure
I'm lovingly full of hate
I'm extraordinarily ordinary

An extroverted introvert

I know everything I need,
yet I've still got so much to learn.